DARLING, I CAN FEEL YOU SLIPPING AWAY FROM ME!
It must be those bananas I had for lunch…
there are two particular conditions of frailty in a human-being singularly susceptible to miraculous suggestion : actual or fear of physical pain, and personal vanity, the desire to appear perfectly unblemished in the eyes of the world.
There is one particular craving in a human-being that makes it singularly receptive to another human-being’s energy, wit or exotically amusing idiosynchrosies : the craving to be entertained. To have one’s private trepidations, doubts and other tangenitals utterly subsumed and absorbed - if only for a few moments - into somebody else’s pre-structured capacity to make dramatic, comic, fascinating or simply delightful sense out of life. the secret of show-business : to open up people to their pain, doubts and fears and convince them that such mastery is practically possible. Also inspire them to pay money to share in your secret for health and happiness!
Lucky thirteen tips for a successful life :
1) Smile a lot, especially when it really hurts.
2) Recite poetry, preferably somebody else’s, even if it’s bad it’s probably better than the thoughts going through your own head.
3) Don’t try to know too much. In fact don’t try to know anything at all. After a while you’ll begin to really believe it.
4) Eat lots of candy. It will make life seem so much sweeter.
5) Think one day at a time, at least one time a day, preferably not at night, cause by the time it gets dark you’re probably already thinking about tomorrow.
6) When stressed out always walk with your hands in the air. remember, anxiety accumulates in your arm-pits. And think wide-open spaces. Move the kitchen-table into the backyard. Toss your desk out of the sixth-floor window. Sleep on the roof. Anxiety thrives on being under-cover.
7) Get a pet. If you can’t afford a pet, learn how to pet yourself.
8) Learn how to say you’re sorry, even when you are the one who has been offended. It relaxes the heart and makes it easier to smile a lot.
9) Lounge around in your pajamas, or not in your pajamas, or in somebody else’s pajamas. Wear your pajamas to work, so if you have to bring your work home with you you’ll be ready to sleep on it. Beats mid-day fatigue if you don’t get out of bed till noon. Some of these tips are patentl;y obvious, but sometimes what is really obvious doesn’t seem obvious till it’s really too late.
10) Care for your kidneys. Take a liver-pill.
11) Watch TV soap-operas. They’ll make you feel talented and relatively problem-free, stop you thinking of yourself as a loser even if you are. Trust me, it won’t win you any prizes.
12) Pop a few pills and feel good about it. The better the pill the better you should feel about it.
13) When confronted with an impressive immaculately-dressed super-articulate news anchor-man or woman, politician or pundit on television quoting from the Bible, Shakespeare and sundry other classics, always ask yourself how can somebody so brazenly just stand or sit there and lie??
** There’s an old saying among the early pioneers of American snake-oiling : never doctor a sick man, and never doctor a woman, sick or well, because women are harder to fool and more likely to cause trouble when they realize they’ve been swindled!