YELLOW SNOW RADIO (audio transcript)

(SIGNATURE MUSIC)

HOST : Fake news, fake flags, fake frame-ups, fake art, fake boobs, fake butts, fake heroes, fake villains, fake food, fake modesty, fake pride, fake fame, fake identity, fake sex, fake orgasms, fake names, fake lives, fake deaths, fake food, fake foot and fingerprints,.fake genius, fake frauds, fake cigarettes, fake fun, fake tears, fake terror, fake facebook, fake twits, fake threats, fake happiness, fake DNA, fake fakes and fake you and me, if you’re not faking it you’re not living in the real world, folks!! You want living proof, try telling yourself the truth for once, it ain’t easy…Cause we all deserve to die, earned it as soon as we were born into this fake fucking world, all that mediated fakery blistering your mental make-up from day one, so much made-up flim-flammery injected into your natural blood-stream manufacturing another fake organism into this world… And if you think I’m not faking it, tweet me and tell me you think this is just as natural as it comes!

Yellow Snow Radio, folks, broadcasting apparently live from beautiful downtown somewhere or other on the Planet Earth, I believe, though not being apprised of all the facts I have to fake it on faith…The facts may change but the fakes never need to, which must tell us something about survival of our species, it’s the greatest secret never told, helps put us to sleep every night and keep us sleep-walking during the day, still convinced our parents would never have lied to us, they just didn’t know all the facts…Nobody to blame but blame itself, chaos the new normal…Gender-bending identity politics, fractured families, up-rooting diasporas, lone fake psychos leaping out of the metal-work, cabbalistically cell-driven real psychos leaping out of their own dental-work, weaponized weather-patterns of mass destruction, is it a bird or a plane or a drone-missile that looks like a bird or a plane or a fly on the wall? Government sanctioned peeping Toms ogling your every blip and barnacle, nowhere to hide but in faking it, the only safe place visibly surrounded by robots armed to the gums programmed to eliminate anybody who’s behaving naturally without a license to do so…So how is everybody doing tonight, feeling fancy-free and fire-proof or uninsured and riddled with debt…becoming a numbed-out robot with a plastic brain doesn’t seem like such a bad option…Insanity only a dreadful state of being if you feel clinically sane but don’t have any certificate to prove it!

I have a special guest with me tonight, at least he’d like to think he’s special, at best I’d like to hope he’s special, otherwise I’ll be wasting my time hanging out with nobody speclal… and that wouldn’t build me any fan-base on you-tube… Who am I anyway? Well, that’s for me to fake and for you to defraud….in this nominally fluid world…Sassy Suzie with her special guest L.L. Beanie…You ever wear a beanie, LL? You can tell me, we’re all confidentially anonymous here… For the broken record, I just met him thirty minutes ago, I was sipping tea in a coffee-house up the street with a fake friend of mine, discussing the nature of reality, when up he popped this big-ass grin on his face like he’d already been self-medicating.. Hey, God helps those who help themselves to anything they can lay their artificial hands on…He crashed our conversation for a loop soon as he opened his mouth and a voice popped out….Would you like to introduce yourself?’

GUEST : Didn’t you just do that?

HOST : No names, folks, wouldn’t want to reveal who is really pissing in the snow. Kiljoy was here long before I was born… You’re an artist, a painter, a poet, I believe you believe…teaches art-history part-time…. Possibly a skull-and-bonesman, but he refuses toi talk about that other than recommending where to rent the best tuxedo…

GUEST : I don’t think so.

HOST : But you did go to Yale. Did they tap you and you refused point-blank at gun-point?

GUEST : I wasn’t an undergraduate. And I can’t sing. Though that’s the Whiffenpoofs. I did snort cocaine once with the Whiffenpoofs.

HOST : All in their best tuxedos?

GUEST : I was going out with an undergraduate. She was in a singing-group. She was six years younger than me.

HOST : Is that libelous? I mean, the cocaine. Can people really be sued for telling the truth? If they can’t prove it. No DNA on the drugs. You told me you do a lot of drugs.

GUEST : I think I was hooked on something before I was born.

HOST : So your dad was a tenured professor at Yale and your mom was a junkie?

GUEST : He played the oboe. But he liked to think of himself as a “Renaissance Man”. Though he couldn’t paint. That’s why I became a painter. It was the one thing my father couldn’t do.

HOST : He never taught you to play the oboe?

GUEST : I never wanted to play the oboe. I wanted to be a truck-driver. Or a fisherman. Nice quiet little fishing-village, away from it all…

HOST : Just killing fish all day? You like to fish?

GUEST : Just give me a rod, a reel and a rowing-boat. I could sit for hours just watching the waves go up and down, up and down…Forever. If that’s how long it takes…

HOST : To catch a fish or just go up and down? Should I assume every now and then you haul up a mackerel and watch it flounder. Or the other way around? Would that depend on the size of your hook? Is that what you paint, dead trout and lonely fishermen?

GUEST : It’s complicated. I know I paint too much. And nothing is ever really finished.

HOST : So how long have you lived in this city?

GUEST : Most of my adult-life. I went to a private boarding-school. No privacy at all.

HOST : You enjoy teaching?

GUEST : I wouldn’t say I was a good teacher. I like to believe the students believe I believe everything I say…

HOST : But you don’t?

GUEST : I do. I just don’t say very much without qualifying that it may or may not be true. I think that confuses them. They consider me eccentric. So they don’t give me a hard time. Not to my face anyway. I’m a bit of a scatter-brain. But they seem to respect that, or at least find it funny. My father had a lot of connections in the city. I think he was very disappointed in me. My brothers are all highly-respected one thing or another… But they support me. They feel bad for me. They know I’m fucked-up.

HOST : Do you feel fucked-up?

GUEST : I do a lot of drugs. And alcohol, I like to drink.

HOST : Are you drunk now, or high?

GUEST : Are you a woman or a dead fish?

HOST : You’re the philosopher.

GUEST : You’re the host.

HOST : Does that make you my parasite? Or are you faking it to hide an inferiority-complex? Some people are better at faking it than others. Do you consider yourself a fascinating human-being?

GUEST : (pause) The deeper you dig the more dirt you bring up out of the earth. (pause) I copy everything. Whatever’s on the wall, outside the window. It never looks the same, but it’s still just a copy. It keeps me occupied. I write poetry too. All originally copied.

HOST : Have you ever been published? faked the fakers?

GUEST : Not everything is fake. I met Bob Dylan once. In a bar in South Boston. I asked him if I could buy him a drink. He told me to fuck off! He wasn’t faking it. I think he was picking up this young girl sitting next to him at the time. She was a lot prettier than I was.

HOST : I’ll admit I thought you were trying to pick me up in the coffee-house. Have to warn you I’m heavier than I look.

GUEST : I just wanted somebody to take my mind off myself. I think too much of myself.

HOST : Do you believe that art needs a history to back it up?

GUEST : I prefer words to images. I can fixate on a word for days. Images tend to cloud my mind.

HOST : Any word? Do you have a particular word you’re fixated on at the moment?

GUEST : “Particular” is a good word. That’s a word you could spend your whole life fixating on.

HOST : Why is that? Any reason in particular?

GUEST : You’re asking me questions I don’t have an answer for. Or an explanation. The word itself is particular enough.

HOST : Wouldn’t “God” be a better word to fixate on?

GUEST : Maybe as I’m dying. Not enough vowels, to get my teeth in…. Maybe the more teeth you lose, things will need to be simplified…When you start losing your rhythm… Just cadence…No preamble, no follow-through…just cadence. Nowhere to go after that. Dead language.

HOST : So where are you going when you leave here?

GUEST : Back to my apartment, I guess. It’s a big house. My brother lets me live there, till he finds a byer. But I just live in one room upstairs… Maybe I’ll take a walk round town. Nowhere in particular.

HOST : You’re not married? Ever been married? Kids? Anybody in particular in your life? Your brother…

GUEST : I think I’ve always know I could never give anybody what they really needed.

HOST : As a host, should I sympathize?

GUEST : You could tell me to fuck off.

HOST : Is this because you don’t love yourself enough? You’re smiling!

GUEST : I can still smile.

HOST : I could tell you you have a nice smile, but in truth I find it a bit creepy… You know I cancelled a scheduled guest to give you a chance to shine. Some people are listening, you know. (silence) If you had to sum up your life in a few words, or one particular word….?

GUEST : A bit creepy, I guess. I suspect there’s a ghost at the end of the tunnel.

HOST : Somebody you used to know?

GUEST : I’m still in the tunnel.

HOST : Suicide an option? (long pause) All options on the table. Any regrets? Maybe it’s your own ghost at the end of the tunnel…

GUEST : I think I have to fuck off now. (sounds of chair rustling)

HOST : Have I offended you? Any parting words? (door closing) I guess not I hope it wasn’t something I said…about his smile… If he goes off now and kills himself, would I bear some responsibility. He’s obviously not an un-intelligent guy… Maybe he’ll just go fishing… I forgot to ask him if he’s on social-media…Apparently that can drive a lot of people to suicide. Some people our just too photogenic for our general good! Too many people having too much fun we’re not, too many parties we’ve not been invited to? Somebody calls you a creep precipitates a viral twitter-storm, just too many people willing to agree… I could be getting a call from the cops any minute. investigating a hate-crime… needing to know what I really think…Was it because he wasn’t Jewish, I’ll be dragged into court for Semitism! maybe he was Jewish, I’ll be dragged into court for not making a point of it…It’s a Brave New World, folks! Especially for cowardly snowflakes, as humanity divides itself by mediated proxy….and inhumanity annihilates the disagreeable….Will the forces of military might and corporate greed prevail? See next week! Or keep your eyes closed and your fingers crossed…Do you believe anybody or anything anymore? Does what you believe matter anymore, in some final synthesis only some secret intelligence knows all the key ingredients to cook everything into it? We should just be grateful we may not yet be on the menu as collateral; damage to be served up in the soup! Just keep your hands clean, don’t smile creepily at inappropriate moments and join in the toast to whoever is designated host! Freely elected by some secret intelligence way beyond any common understanding…And you should be fine for now….can’t speak for next week…

This has been Yellow Snow Radio, folks, bringing you voices you would never hear in the mainstream media, creeping into your sunbeams like an early prognosis of glaucoma…We may all need laser-surgery, in the blinding blinking flash of an under-used over-worked eyeball humanity cured and served up as hors d’ouevres at some out-of-this-world masquerading saturnalia!! As for Tom Cruise, just get over it! As for Nicole Kidman and Bono and all other ingratiatingly self-gratifying mega moneyed monoliths of mastering their own witchy wizard craftiness, let the spell be broken and, in the immortal words of the great troubadour himself, fuck off!!!! Here’s a real rave from the grave…

(MUSIC : JIM REEVES “Adios Amigo”)