Naked in a Public Space.

(cont.)   ….As soon as she realized she was naked in a public space, and so was this guy - suddenly she didn't know him from Adam - standing there staring at her in a very unfamiliar familiar way, with this wonker dangling between his legs, she'd never noticed that before...How come she didn't have a wonker? She seemed to have a hole, a polar hole, it was magnetic, that wonker was pointing directly at it, and suddenly she started feeling so ashamed of herself : "I need to find a fig-leaf quick, I'm starting to cream out between my legs and his wonker just keeps getting bigger and bigger WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!!??? All I did was eat an apple for Christ's sake!!!" "For whose sake?" Yes, but you ate it from The Tree of Knowledge, you graduated Yale, blissful ignorance is no longer an option! You now have no choice but to get fucked-up and deal with this irresistible urge to put that wonker in your rice-pudding! "But it's not natural!!!!??? Or if it is, I seem to be at the mercy of wild-life! We need to get civilized about this. For a start I need some better clothing, this fig-leaf ain't doing much to keep his wonker down! We need to find a cave, build a house, something, anything to keep our parties private, too much public wild-life may be more than we can handle!!!"

As soon as we decide we're not just natural, we can start weaving all kinds of fairy-tales...There was a young woman lived in a shoe, she soon had so many kids she didn't know what the fuck to do! Especially when she realized the cupboard was bare..."Food! We need food! I'm eating for more than one now! Why don't you go kill a few wild turkeys out there, they won't know what's hit 'em! We can gobble on their flesh and I can make a feather-duster, cause suddenly I'm starting to feel very very house-proud! And while you're out there, figure out how to build a fire, cause I'm freezing to death in this flimsy plant-life coverall! I think we're entering an ice-age!"  "A nice age?" "An ice age, you stupid boy!!!"

So Adam wanders off in his fern-fur deciduous wonker-wrap, returns with a couple of dead wild pigs, cause them turkeys didn't seem like much of a challenge, just stood there staring at him :"yes, can we help you???" Evie's a bit pissed-off about the feather-duster, but she's soon suckered by the smoky bacon-rinds...Meanwhile she so busy nesting and devouring BLT's, poor Adam has developed a severe case of blue-balls, needs to go find the nearest friendly donkey's ass to keep his wonker warmed up and activated... But he's staring to feel guilty about this relentless need for wonker-activity, it's compromising his work ethic, he's starting to feel inadequate about bringing home enough bacon...One day he just sinks to his knees in despair, calls out to whoever is up there to make them wild pigs easier to catch, cause by now they've got wind of what he's up to....Of course Evie sees him down on his knees :"what the fuck are you doing? get up on your feet and build an out-house, these kids are shitting all over the place! No civilized sense of decorum, they're driving me up the shoelaces! Am I breeding a race of imps and demons, sinners and unholy fucking defecators!? And if you don't get a firmer handle on that wonker, I swear I'm gonna chop it off and feed it to the turkeys, that should be worth a few feathers!!!" 

"Did I do something wrong? I'm just a poet, I'm just a fucking poet for Christ's sake! Prayer is poetry, I am the original poet!" "Well, I've got another word for it, sunshine, and believe me it ain't poetry!" So men can spend much of their lives feeling guilty about this relentless need for wonker-activity, and women can spend much of their lives feeling guilty that their house is only fit for wild pigs and they can't invite anybody over for dinner.....

And I know I simplify, possibly erring on the mysoginistic? But I didn't write this fairy-tale, I was gifted it as a boy by me Auntie Vera and Uncle Alan, along with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the BBC...And then another one, just to confuse the issue, only this one based on scientific facts : they can prove it! I can't, but theycan..."EVOLUTION!" Forget Genesis, we descended or ascended from primordial sludge! But you study Evolution, you're still going to find there's a "missing link" somewhere, like some wonker went astray in somebody or something's miasmal rice-pudding...Cause one minute we're living in caves, rubbing sticks together to put a little spark into our lives, next minute we're building pyramids in the middle of the desert, in perfect symmetry with the stars! How did we do this? How did we learn how to do this? Suddenly some guys are hauling around great bricks 24/7 on pain of death or whiplash, while others are lounging around in their bejeweled finery dining on pickled asp and sautéed camel testicles, being palm-frond fanned by Nubian slaves - expediently castrated, so it doesn't compromise their work-ethic -  whose brains have been so plugged up with papyrus they wouldn't know their own fairy-tale from somebody else's manifest destiny! Royal dynasties are springing up all over the place, blood-lines of power, leaders and followers, masters and slaves....Somebody must have eaten a lot of apples...I think they ate the whole fucking tree!!!???   (to be continued)